Memories-most of them useless|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
[ << Previous 20 ]
[ << Previous 20 ]
|Monday, April 18th, 2005|
My mom and I talked....again. This time things are way over the edge...she really said some pretty hurtful things. Even though she can be a megabitch...this time she totally crossed over into a whole different categorie. She is upset at me because she thinks that I'm a hippie who doesn't care about anything, because I'm trying out for cheerleading, I don't have a "serious" enough job, and because of Vanderbuilt. I would be happy if my daughter had a job, was motivated, is actually in school (and got into a nice one) and who cheered even if I didn't understand why. This weekend has been a such a jumble of ups and downs. After hearing her say she wished she'd never had me and didn't want me, and never did...I guess that just kind of drew the line for me. Smoking hasn't been a habit of mine for awhile, and neither has a few other things...but what to do...? Who knows. Current Mood: depressed
|Monday, April 4th, 2005|
|I want candy. literally.
Sitting here on the net waiting for 2:20 to come so I can go to class. wow. that sounds like absolutly no fun. I am craving sweets...as always. I really want to stay in my room and play with my make-up but if I do then I'll prolly have some random 89% of your grade test or something else ridiculous all because I decided to miss a day....self pity :) Current Mood: artistic
|Monday, March 28th, 2005|
|Bored watching TV
This weekend was disappointing. Amanda Huff,an old friend of mine, was in town for the weekend. I knew about a week in advance, and was looking forward to it. She is so different. She and Sadie are engaged now. She totally lied about the job she had. She ditched me Sunday. I am kinda pissed. She's leaving or has already left today, and hasn't even called before she left. That sux. I don't know why or how exactly she has changed, but she is definatly not the same. I don't know how she and sadie plan to get married (legally anyway) seeing how it has been declared unconstitutional and will not hold or be termed as a real marriage. Work this weekend was sort of a drag too. Once again I got the fuzzy side of the lollipop. We had no manager-so I was manager with a section, a cash drawer, and training new employees. I definatly did not stick around to work a double this weekend. No sort of motivation. After I left our GM came down to close the store. He has not a clue as of the first thing to do, and I admit I wanted to ditch him and leave him in that mess and not solve any more of his problems. I had been there all day and worked a little overtime, and decided he could finish things for the last few hours. What a dumbass. Current Mood: full
|Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005|
This semester is going by so fast. I cannot believe I only have 5-6 more weeks left! This summer will be so good...I will be going to the beach in about 7 weeks. This weekend was pretty good, but it went by entirely too fast. Work was much better this weekend. I still have about 250 dollars too, so thats a plus. I am still debating breaking up with Josh. I don't think he takes my wants/needs seriously. I just think maybe it would be best if I was single. I am so confused...I feel like shit b/c Josh is my best frined. He cares about me and we've known each other forever...but I'm undecided. I am so excited that Huff is going to be in town! I am so looking forward to seeing her. I haven't seen her since last summer. I really wish she would move back home. I think I have my classes picked out for next semester. But really all I would like to do for awhile is just work and do nothing and go out and have fun. Self pity, awww. Current Mood: confused
|Thursday, March 17th, 2005|
Happy St. Patrick's Day! I remembered to wear green. I love my Used CD. It is so choice. I am finally alone in my room...my roommate sux. She is constantly in here arguing with her boyfriend and they get loud and it's annoying. The other night I had to turn up my music and turn on my TV to try to drown them out, but they only got louder. I had to turn off my music and TV just to eliminate some of the noise! If they do that shit tonight they will both get bitched out, b/c I have'nt even listened to my newest CD all the way through b/c of them. Have some respect for your roommate, damn! I am so hungry. My hair is getting so long. I bought a bunch of stuff to start a scrapbook. That should be fun. I also send my mom a card. Just because and to see how she's doing. I hope the reply (if I get one) is pleasant. I try so hard to maintain a good relationship with her but she just shits on me every time. This summer is going to kick ass! I cannot wait to go to the beach. I am going to get so tan. I also want to visit Leah in SC. It will be good to see her and more of my old friends again. This summer will also be good for money, b/c I am going to work alot and pay off some credit cards. That is defiantly a plus. I hate having bills. Well, bills that have 15.9% interest rates. I need some ACTION!! Current Mood: hungry
|Monday, March 14th, 2005|
I ate a LOT. Some mashed potatoes, cafeteria steak with gravy, a cookie, baked apples, fries and a bowl of rice crispies. I need to get back into the working out mode I was in at the beginning of the semester. I want 6 CD's, and am determined to get them. I absolutley love to take pictures, have pictures, sending them and recieving them. David is sending me some soon. I definetly screwed up my online quiz for intro to sp. ed. I don't have a scroll thingy on my mouse so I used my arrows on the keyboard which changed the answers on my mult. guess test. That sux, and I hope my teacher will be kind about it. I'm still good if she isn't though. Thats only because I've made all A's in there so far. I cannot believe this semester is going by so fast. I think I know what I want to take next semester. I also think it would be awesome to go to a university in california for about a yr. just because. I'm totally serious.
I never have enough snacks in here. I have some cookies and oreo's in my tupperware bowls, but I didn't wash them first and now they TASTE like tupperware. Working this weekend was a bitch. No one cool was there and Mo didn't tell me he had requested the whole weekend off. I haven't drank in a looong time. Josh is looking for a job and trying to be more affectionate. I need a touchy feely relationship. With all of the other good stuff acquired also. I have also realized that I DO need to stop worrying about the future of a relationship before it even goes anywhere. I need to channel some aggression and some boredom into working out or school. I'm trying to stay calm and not be so rational. Not that I always am, but maybe I'm wrong for thinking of breaking things off so soon with Josh. I will try hard to take things as they come, but I am not one of patience. I love to be held and kissed and physical. I need a guy who loves these things, but more than just these. I think that Josh has the "other things", but I can't read someone if they don't give any indecations of thier feelings. Maybe I should be single.... but then how would that solve my problem? Josh thinks I have a fear of commitment. NOT true. I am commited to a variety of things. Among these I just so happen to be naturally commited to being affectionate. I wonder if I'm being a bad girlfriend...I don't think so, but I certianly hope not. Not too many guys mind being pestered to make-out. I really wish I knew how to play the drums. Current Mood: full
|Thursday, March 10th, 2005|
I am so glad that I do not HAVE to go to work tomorrow. I have been enjoying my Spring Break by doing nothing. I have worked some, but not alot. I doubled sat. and sun. and will probably do it all over again this sat. and sun. so that I make my cash. That totals 8 shifts for the week, so I definatly don't think that that constitutes as laziness. Although, I really wouldn't give a damn if it did. I don't mind working doubles on the weekends an incredible amount because Morgan begs me to. He is really the only reason why I would do that, because everyone else could kiss my ass...I also enjoy driving his car late after work in the mall parking lot. His car is so sweet. I drove it and fell in love...I definatly want an old car.
This semester has gone by so fast. My spring break is almost over...I will find out Tuesday what I made on my World Lit. paper and midterm, which is definatly crucial b/c those two things alone make up 55% of my final grade. I am a bit anxious b/c I definatly did NOT study for that midterm...But I HAVE picked out the bathing suit I want for this summer...and it's perfect. :) It's only 50 dollars and the matching skirt is only 35...not so perfect considering I want like, 6 CD's right now. Oh, well. My income tax can hurry up and get here so I can spend some of it on the above and feel slightly less guilty. My grades are stellar as of the present. I seriously think that I might pull off a 4.0 this semester. I am stoked...dean's list here I come! I have decided that I am going to take piano next semester. I haven't taken lessons since I was about 6, but it's ok. I am also thinking about getting back into dance. I miss it so much...11 yrs. in the making. Dance is so second nature to me that I am definatly starting to seriously regret ever stopping. I should probably take photography too and put my camera to good use. My dad gave me a sweet camera for my graduation, and I don't use it as much as I would like to. Maybe this summer he and I can take a photography class together...that would be fun and a good bonding tool. I also should decide on a minor here soon...I want to do so many things!! How do I choose...?
I have also decided that me and Josh are done-zo if he doesn't have a job by the 24th. I seriously NEED some action also. 10 weeks almost. That's insane!! I have decided that any boyfriend that I have in the future must be a touchy-feely, physical person. Not just that entirely; but that will be a must have. I love to makeout and am not anal about PDA-although I am not an exibitionist, I do like and miss the physical aspects of a relationship... Current Mood: quixotic
|Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005|
I really do not want to drop my Biology class. I will have to though to make sure that I get a 4.0. I really need that 4.0 this semester to bring up my current 2.3 GPA. That will bring me to a semi decent GPA. I take my grades seriously, and I feel bad for my current GPA, but I worked too much my past 3 semesters. I really want to graduate at least cum laude, but I would like to get higher than that. If I'm going to get a Doc. in anything, I've got to get my grades up. It won't be too bad, I can do it. But I'm not even sure that I actually need my Biology class for my major anyway. I think I might sub geology or astronomy for it.
I am really dreading going home tonight. I will probably get lost. I do not remember how to get anywhere unless there is a landmark that I can follow. Street names and interstate numbers just don't stick...But I guess they will have to. I am also dreading my doctor's appt. in the morning, but I have to get it over with. My lump is still there. I guess my antibiotics aren't working yet...I hope they do. I think 19 is way to young for breast cancer. I'm not going to stress over it until I absolutly have to though. And I am definatly dreading my midterm for world lit. tomorrow. I've got to get back in time for that, because I seriously doubt I could make that up. I will be excited to get my paper back though. I think I did well...even though I didn't read my story...my professor reviewed it last week and said it was already in B range, and I added another 2 pages so hopefully I will get an A. I guess I will at least get a B, and thats good. Especially good considering that that one paper alone is 25% of my final grade! Maybe I should study for my midterm now... Current Mood: complacent
|Monday, February 21st, 2005|
|i hate to be quiet
Back at school for the week. I thought my classes would be cancelled due to President's Day, but I was sadly mistaken. I was looking forward to a three day weekend and working a little extra to make some ca$h, but it's back to school. I slept through Biology this morning. Well, sort of. I woke up and looked around my room then went back to sleep. I did get up for math though. I spent about two forevers on my math homework last night, and she didn't even take it up. Oh, well. Ok, ten things about me: 1. I am not a ho. And if a trashy bitch were to ever say I was, I would knock her ass out.
2. I am from Nashville, and I cannot hear my own accent. IF I have one...which due to popular opinion I guess I do.
3. I love the smell of gasoline and the way birthday candles smell after they have been blown out.
4. I am not a liar, I do not steal, and I never have or ever would cheat on anyone.
5. I hate it when people neglect brush thier tounge when they brush thier teeth and when people don't use turn signals.
6. I absolutley LOVE to eat, and can probably eat more or just as much as any man I know.
7. I love pink, color, and unique things. I am not plain.
8. I am opinionated, loud, and at times people say I am rude, mean or bossy. I dissagree. I never tell anyone what to do unless I have the authority to do so. I control myself, and pride myself in not being easily swayed.
9. My favorite pieces of makeup are lip gloss, eyeliner and eyeshadows.
10. I do not hold grudges or stay mad for an incredible amount of time. I forgive easily, am slow to make angry, but easily frustrated. (There IS a difference). Current Mood: hungry
|Friday, February 18th, 2005|
|Pretty damn useless
David will be going back to the Navy Sunday. It has been good seeing him, but not so good knowing that he will not be back until this summer. The semester so far has progressed quickly. Again, I should be doing work; but here I am in my journal. I will have to be busy another time. The summer is going to be sooo good. I am looking forward to the beach, making money to pay of debts, freedom, and my 20th birthday. Twenty seems so grown-up. My 21st birthday I will get drunk. Maybe not, but probably so. Who knows. I need to decide on a minor here soon. I have no clue. I've thought heavily on Art or music, but I don't play an instrument. I want to take piano. Piano is so perfect. Guitar wouldn't be bad either. Josh was supposed to teach me this past summer but never did. He was also supposed to teach me how to swim. (And didn't). But maybe he will... I have got to have a "conversation" with Josh this weekend. It's driving me insane that we hardly ever go out, he does not have a job, and I get no action. Current Mood: apathetic
|Wednesday, February 16th, 2005|
|This is so amazing
I cannot seem to ever be able to escape a dream no matter how hard I try. And that is not suppose to sound in ANY way cheesey assed poetic. I am having sexual dreams about people that I have never had sexual desires or drive for. "Drive" makes me sound like some sort of nymphomaniac, but hopefully you can understand. Some people though are suddenly interesting....and then I wish I was tired. I wish I could run up to these people and tell them, but they would think I was seriously disterbed. Actually, they would probably want to make my dreams come true. And one of those people really grosses me out. I think maybe I am sexually frustrated. I cannot believe I am the last one to ever get some, which I am STILL waiting on. One of these days I'm going to romp the shit out of the last innocent person I have dreamed about. And might I add that these dreams have happened while I was asleep. I don't just sit up and think about all of them all day. I'm horney, but not that much. A good makeout partner would do me a world of good. Besides, people are so stupid and pretentious and I can assure you that overconcentrating is possible in these aspects.
I have not gotten half of the work I wanted to get done finished, and that irritates me. I have 2 projects, a paper, 3 chapters to read for Biology, and Literature reading to do. That sucks. And I need to work my ass off with absolutley NO motivation this weekend because I need a lot of money. I hate how I procrastinate so badly. I have so much work to do and I mean to do it-I really do, it's just that I think of so many other dumb things to do. Music is my life. It maintains my sanity and keeps me motivated. Current Mood: contemplative
|No good music
I really don't have any good music up here. I don't have the neccessities of music (my terms anyway) and I am freaking out. I will HAVE to remember to bring my CD's this weekend. I also need to burn some good mixed ones. I have Biology lab here soon. I don't really want to go, but I have to and I'm hungry as all get out. I went by the cafeteria and all they have out right now is cereal. That wouldn't be so bad, but I tasted the milk and it tastes like cardboard soaked in shit. I need to stop having such a potty mouth. Oh well. I am commiting myself to going to my yoga class tonight. My ass is too fat and I'm afraid for it b/c thats basically where all the "new fat" goes. My suitmates have left more nasty wadded up toilet paper beside the toilet. They are so flippin* nasty. I cleaned up thier shit last time, and flies flew out of it! (Too much information) And I'm not thier damn maid. I'm going to make a sign that says "Trash goes in a trash can. Please pick up your shit". That sounds nice and direct. After all, I did say please. Current Mood: hungry
|Tuesday, February 15th, 2005|
I flippin' LOVE Napoleon Dynamite. It is the most randomly hilarious movie ever. (Like anyone could even KNOW that) I love it, and I love quoting it. I am going to miss quoting it this weekend at work. No one cool will be there... Current Mood: giggly
Spending time with David this evening was very relaxing. The Vagina Monologues may have embarrassed him a bit, in fact I KNOW it did, and finding out that I have the "African American" moan was a new one on me. Whatever...just because I can freak dance, am a loud moaner, and have a big ass doesn't mean anything bad... Instead of reading Ch. 6 for Biology I am writing in my journal. I love TV Land. Tonight was a good experience (the monologues) and good quality time with David. He will be going back to Connecticut this Sunday. I am so glad we are friends. He is so unselfishly, undoubtedly a great friend. We have been through some things, and somethings have been nice and some not so nice. I have selfishly, unintentionally, hurt him and he has forgiven me and still been my friend. It's really satisfying to realize these things (even though some people may think that I don't all the time) and learn from them and now posses these traits myself. I have never been dumped/"broken up with" in my entire life, but I have made it a new resolution that if this ever does happen to me, that I will forgive and not be bitter. I don't hold grudges as it is-I simply don't believe in staying mad for long. I am thinking about dying my hair...I am brunette, thinking of going darker...I don't know. What I do know is that I need a damn tan. I think I should start fake baking this weekend. I love to be tan. I am not super pale due to olive skin, but I love to be a good cinnamon color. I will be going to the beach several times this summer, but I cannot wait that long. I have yoga tomorrow. I love working out, and I haven't for twelve days. I NEED to. It gives you so much more energy. I hear that doing Pilates will make you taller...that could be helpful. I am confident in my height of 5'4.5. But I need to STOP putting insoles in my shoes. That has zero regard when it comes to flip flops, and then my secret is ruined. I am anatomically correct :) Current Mood: mellow
|Monday, February 14th, 2005|
ok-well, I haven't written in here lately....mmmm about a yr. close to it. anyways...today is Valentine's Day. My current boyfriend and best friend, Josh, did the whole girl thing for me. Flowers, candy, teddy bear, homemade card (awww) and an awesome necklace. I have to admit I am feeling spoiled today. Biology sucks. I've got to read a whole flipping* chapter by Wed. David is coming to see me!! Tomorrow!! To see the Vagina Monologues! David Carter is the shit. And a conceided bastard too. ;) But for now I guess things are great. I am at Austin Peay-GOODBYE DAMN VOL STATE!! And things are pretty good. I definatly need a fuzzy rug in here. My suit mates are so fucking nasty. Hairballs all over the place. I can't get that damn "milkshake" song out of my head. whatever. Morgan needs to work this weekend. I don't know what I will do at the Rockets without him. (Morgan....I NEED you!) Current Mood: bouncy
|Monday, January 26th, 2004|
Hopefully I did at least somewhat decent on the Psychology test I just took. It was kinda long...on the phone with Jimmy...he is so ridiculus. Did I spell that right?? Probably not. I almost wrecked Anthony's car. He has a cool looking 3000 GT and it's only got one smash mark in it where he's hit something. Probably when he was drunk. Drinking and driving is such a sin. Anyway, I don't have my lisence-I was practicing in Anthony's car- thats why I was driving it. I really, really hope I don't fail my driving test. I'm 18!! I SHOULD have a lisence!! Overall, I didn't think I did all that horrible. Anthony screamed like a baby the whole time and kept saying things like "TINA! You HAVE to pay more attention!" and "You're scaring the fuck out of me. Can I drive now?" But on the whole he says I got a C. (using grading scale) He really thinks I'll pass if I have some more practice. Guess I didn't scare him too badly. Afterall-he's still taking me on Wed!
Over the weekend I have come to several conclusions. First- I no longer think of or wonder how "Tall man" kisses. The thought of it is no longer appealing, and I don't wonder why I was even thinking about it. Well, yes I do. He is attractive and me and Daniel have been broken up for a month now, and thoughts of kissing are becoming a usual thought nested inside my brain. Besides, I always wonder how people do things. Even people I would NEVER kiss or want to think about; somehow the thoughts just pop in mind. Second- Jimmy is totally adrift. Seeing him this weekend put him in a different perspective, and somehow I guess in between that time, my feelings have changed. Yes, he is still obnoxious and gasious, but I don't think of him as often either. I don't know what it is. Last of all, I have been wondering why I feel so strange about not being with Daniel anymore. We were together for about a year and a half, and we've been apart for awhiel, and I miss him-but thats only natural. I do care for him and miss him some, but things are always coming to an unfortunate imbalance between us. He takes no responsiblity for anything negative in our relationship-and let me be the first to say I am a nice girl and give him no reason to doubt that. Relationships are going to have some harder moments, but that is to be expected. Especially is long serious ones-which brings me to this: is it awful to decide to be devoted to absolutly nothing? But being devoted to not be devoted to someone or something still makes you devoted to that, but then would that only make you careless to everything? I am worried about that, which is why I am STILL undecided. I want to have fun and enjoy things as I do without Daniel (because he is way too jelous, controlling and hypocritical-almost everything is a double standard with him) but then again I miss our relationship and feel I would be abandoning it. What do I do?? I have no brains on this! I also feel like some sort of "pimptress", because now I have all these people to talk to. I don't want to do anything that will hurt either decison or them-but I am so confused. Jimmy, I'm sure would find some other chick to persuay into a relationship, Eric and Jason simply just call alot and we never go out (because I don't really know them and am not sure to bring more people into my decison), Daniel P. ( old ex-boyfriend, and helping him was the reason why me and current ex,Daniel, broke up in the first place) is on his own. I do not feel like carring someone else's burdens with me unless they are willing to be responsible and try to help themselves. He says he still loves me and wishes we could get back together-and I end up feeling like that girl from Clueless. This is nuts. Aaron (guy from work) invited me to go to a strip club this fri. and a club (dancing kind) on sat. I think it would piss Daniel off, but it's not a date. There are lots of other people going also. Daniel P. is supposed to return to work (if he still has a job) with me soon, and I don't know how I'm going to deal with seeing and interacting with him practically everyday. Oh well. Ho hum...
|Thursday, January 22nd, 2004|
|this is so this winter
How is it that every guy is all the same. Thats not a question- it's just a statement. Because it's true. I'm not exactly sure if I should be using people's true names on here. Who knows who might read it and stumble across their own name? That might be embarassing, and I do NOT embarass easily. However, a guy at my work (who shall go by the name of Tall Man) is living in my thoughts. Here recently he has been on the brain and I cannot for any reason figure out why. I have never expressed any interest in this person and have not planned on it. Not saying I am now either. But for some reason, for the past few nights, he has been in my dreams. Not like sexual types of dreams, but just in the dreams. I don't know what that is supposed to mean. I don't sit around and think about him all day. Or even part of the day. Well, since he is obtaining some thought, I guess "part" of the day would sound appropriate. Anyway- I have a strange thought of kissing him. Not as if I'm going to try though. And I have no reasoning for thinking this. Maybe I'm not thinking of kissing him, just if he is a good kisser...I have no idea. And then there is a guy in Murfreesboro...Jimmy. (Actual name-seeing as I don't care if he EVER reads this. Does he read...??) Jimmy looks like the tan, preppy, spikey haired guy who tries to get all the girls. Actuality-TRUE! It is so true. He claims to want a "nice" girl. A girl who he wants to start some kind of long, committed, lovey dovey relationship with. But how is he to find this "nice" one, when all he does is chase them away by making out with all kind of skank whore chicks? And he is almost always drunk. In which he acts like an idiot. At first it's rather funny the way he stumbles about and says silly things like "hey...tina...you're a pretty girl..." until I tell him for the LAST time, "Jimmy, you are a drunk idiot". But then the farting starts, and after about the fourth one-it is really sickening. Well, off to PE.
Morning time again. Feelin pretty good on 7 hrs. of sleep. A little tired though. I had a bowl of Reeses crunch for breakfast. I hope gym today isn't too strenuous. My right thigh is still kinda sore. Oh well. Maybe I'll get some of those huge muscles like Chyna has. Ew, gross. That would look disgusting. I'm not out of shape anyway, but I think this class will be good for me. I haven't been keeping that "food diary/ journal" thing. How can I really write down everything I eat?? Anyway...I hope I didn't have homework for Speech. If I did, I didn't do it. bad me...